In Due Season

by Elaine Hendry

Women Are Bad News! At least that's what I thought for a very long time. When I first came to Broken Arrow, I didn't want anything to do with the women of the church. You see, I didn't trust women. It seemed like every time I was hurt deeply - it was because of a Woman.

This dislike and mistrust of women started early in my childhood. My mother and father had a very rocky relationship, and Mom left my Dad several times. The first time she left I was about five years old. I can remember parts of that day very clearly, even though I was so young. She told me that she was leaving, and was taking my younger sister with her. I was staying with my dad. She gave me no reason, nor did she ask me if I wanted to go with her. We lived in the city and the bus stop was just up the road from our house. My dad and I watched her as she took my younger sister, walked up to the corner of our block and got on the bus. I remember he held me real tight, and he cried. This was the only time I ever saw my father cry.

My mom eventually came back, but it wasn't long and she left again. It was the same scenario each time she left; she would tell me she was taking my younger sister, but I was to stay with my dad. I also have an older brother and sister who usually disappeared somewhere when given the news. I didn't know how they found out as my mom always told me when she and I were alone. I soon came to the conclusion that my mother didn't want me or love me, since she never once asked me if I wanted to go with her. Because of this, I never had any kind of a relationship with my mom. Why should I? It was obvious she didn't care for me!

Because my mom never discussed anything with me as I was growing up, I came to all the wrong conclusions. First, I blamed her for all the problems in my parent's marriage, and I also felt that she preferred my younger sister over me. This ultimately caused me to become very jealous and want nothing to do with her either.

I finally left home to go to college, and after graduating I married a man named Jim. About four years into this marriage, I was told by doctors that I would be unable to have children. My husband and I decided to adopt a baby, and I was very excited as we started buying baby things. I even started crocheting a baby blanket. Then one evening, all my dreams came crashing down around me.

My husband Jim had just left for a National Guard meeting, and I had settled down to work on the baby blanket. It was storming outside, and it wasn't very long before it began thundering and lightening. The next thing I knew all the power in the house went out. As I sat there in the dark it came to me just as if someone was speaking out loud, "Jim sure looked awfully nice to go to the Guard Meeting tonight. Jim didn't complain about going like he usually does. Jim is messing around on you!" When the lights eventually came back on, I telephoned the place where the meetings were held and was informed that there was no meeting that night. Then I waited. When Jim came home I asked him how the meeting had gone, and when he began to tell me I told him I knew there was no meeting. It was then that he told me he was seeing a girl from his workplace. We talked and decided we could work our marriage out.

The next week when Jim went bowling with the guys from work, I followed him. I waited outside the bowling alley until they were through, and then I watched him leave. As soon as he was gone, I drove straight home, but he didn't show up until much later. Confronted again, he admitted that he had gone to see the woman from work. I didn't throw him out. Instead, I lived like this for a year. Jim's girlfriend actually called the house one evening and I told her when he would be home. You see, I never blamed Jim for this affair. I blamed the other woman and I blamed myself. After all, my own mother didn't love me and now Jim couldn't love me; it couldn't possibly be Jim's fault. My self-esteem was non-existent, and it wasn't until I found out Jim's girlfriend was pregnant, that I finally filed for divorce.

Then I met David. His wife had died of cancer and I had just gotten divorced. It was love at first sight and he proposed on Nov 4th (the day we met). We got married on Valentine's Day. We moved to Arizona, where David had lived previously, and I was introduced to his friends. His best friend, the local doctor, had also recently remarried. His new wife's name was Donna. The four of us got along just great, spending all of our spare time together. It was the first time I had a real girlfriend, and I liked it.

At this time in our life, David used his wonderful musical talent to play in the local bars. Donna, my new friend, was also a musician, so on several occasions the two would play together. To make a long story short, Donna fell in love with David. She informed her husband, Doc, that she was leaving him for David. Of course, Doc approached David to confront him. David was shocked! He told his friend that nothing had ever been hinted at, much less happened, between he and Donna, and it wasn't going to. David quit the clinic that day (he had been working for Doc as a Lab Tech), and then he went to where Donna worked and told her under no circumstances to ever contact us again. As for me, I believed David, but I went to see Donna anyway. She informed me that we could all still be friends, as she was having a mental meltdown and didn't know hy she said the things that she did. Of course we were never friends again, but there was that "woman" again in my life causing all this hurt. I decided then and there that I would stay away from women. They were bad news as far as I was concerned!

It due season, David and I found a church home at Broken Arrow, but I stayed awasy from those awful women who were always inviting me to join them in various things going on and being way too friendly. I refused to get involved in any way with their ministries, and certainly didn't want to have any of them for friends. But ... we're talking Broken Arrow Ladies, and they love you just the way you are. They never pressured me, nor did they try to make me feel bad for not participating. They just continued to encourage me. I remember the first time they told me about an upcoming Ladies Meeting, and invited me to come. All the time they were talking - I was thinking "Oh Great - just what I want - to be around a bunch of Women - No Thanks!"

Finally, one year as the Ladies Meeting approached, Victoria talked me into coming for just Thursday night. I was scared to death at the thought of a room full of women, much less a chapel full, but I went. I only remember one sentence from the whole meeting, and it came from a girl named Kim. She was giving her testimony and it began with this sentence. "All I ever wanted my Mother to do is love me." Wow! Someone else knew how I felt. Even though I only attended that one evening of the conference that year, that night was a turning point for me. Change didn't happen overnight. It took a long time for me to trust even those women at Broken Arrow and to want to be around them. But, I can honestly say that I love being around all the ladies at church now. I have a special place in my heart for them. This change only happened because the Lord and the ladies never gave up on me.

Ladies, if you have someone at your church or in your life that you think you will never get through to, whether with the Gospel or if you are just trying to get them more involved, Don't Give Up. THey may have reasons that they need to work through! Reasons you may never know! Just Keep Encouraging Them.

Galatians 6:9 "And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."